Now, don't worry, this isn't going to be some big negative rant and rave. :) I was simply thinking about my day. Today, I went to the NVCC bookstore to buy a textbook and then went major grocery shopping for the week and some. Then, I proceeded to go home and feed both the kids lunch, unload the $150 worth of food, and get them ready for naps. Oh, yeah, I ate somewhere in that time too. This was not a crazy day at all, but I made a conscious decision not to do housework this afternoon before I took the kids to their babysitting co-op at 4. Instead, I browsed a book order form for Luke's school, showered, and hung out with Luke watching a movie. I was laying there enjoying Luke's company when I felt this overwhelming feeling of...GUILT! Now, you moms out there know the feeling. Why couldn't I just feel good about the two big errands I ran that took up my entire morning? Wasn't that enough? Why did I feel lazy or neglectful of my duties? I mean, so what if I was going out to dinner at 5 and got a 4 hour kid-free break tonight. Couldn't I take a break with the kids around? Is there some commandment that is unstated, but known, that moms, "shalt never see let their families/kids see them stop?"
Sometimes I wonder if the message I am actually sending is that perfection is essential or that to be a good parent you must kill yourself every minute and you better act like you enjoy it! My house may be messy today but it isn't everyday, right? What is my problem!? Maybe I'm afraid the mom police will arrest me for my short-comings? :0
OK. This is beginning to sound like a rant, but I am saying most of this in my most sarcastic and jovial blogger voice. I found it amazing that I had to talk myself out of feeling guilty about nothing! "Julie, you had a productive day. Julie, you are allowed to sit still for 1-2 hours while your kids do too. Julie, enjoy it and work on the house tomorrow or Monday...after all it will still be waiting for you." (Am I the only one who has conversations in their heads about guilt?) Well, it worked! I lounged luxuriously in my disaster of a bedroom with my kid and my pillows! I then went out to dinner and ate yummy food with a good friend! I think today I believed what I accomplished was enough for me and my family! I consider this a break-through! Woo Hoo!
2 comments:
I think it has something to do with the satisfaction of completing a task. Most of what we do as moms is either not very measurable on a day-to-day basis (the things we are working with and teaching our children) or it is a cyclical, never-ending task (cleaning the house, laundry, grocery shopping, meal preparation). I have a hard time letting go of the "never-ending" jobs in order to spend more time on the "unmeasurable", most important aspects of motherhood. That being said, it's nice to have a few completed tasks/projects to feel good about at the end of the day so you can say you "did something" :)
Julie, don't feel guilty for spending time with your children. When they are older they will remember the times you spent with them not how clean the house was. Mom M.
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