Parenting Challenge Day 1: No means No!

I am doing the parenting 30 day challenge from Resourcefulmommy . The first challenge is: Throughout the entire day tomorrow, say the word "no" to your children as infrequently as possible.

This challenge is one I have tried before, but failed since I attempted to make the change permanent. Well, today we ended up at the Silver Diner because I couldn't effectively convince my kids to let that idea go without the word, "NO!" JUST KIDDING...actually, I loved this challenge today. I stopped putting off Carys and just hung out a bit instead of saying, "No, not right now honey. Mommy needs to fold clothes. " Let's be honest-- when do we, as moms, ever have nothing to do? Is it ever convenient to get out the paint or worse clean up the paint? (We should embrace the opportunity to see their little handprints in red all over the wall as they are memories frozen in time! tongue in cheek) All sarcasm aside, I found myself happier and more willing to giggle and play with my kids. I naturally focused more on them and less on my to-do list and how they were preventing me from checking off my tasks. Isn't that all we should really be doing as parents? Success.

One thing I noticed is that my kids seemed a little surprised by my more diplomatic approach to answering their requests. Instead of "no" I discussed why it wouldn't be a great idea at the time. Instead of "no" I said, "yes, for a little while." I found that with the "yes, for a little while" response we both win. I read once in a parenting book that kids only really need 15 minutes of actual one-on-one time on the floor playing each day. The rest of the day can be alone/quiet play, monitored play, and creative/imaginary play type stuff. Usually, my kids ask for me for a short period of time and then they are content to continue on their own after a while. If I start with a "yes," then I feel less guilty later as I skip another sort of activity to allow them to play together. Win-Win!

With all of that said, it wasn't super easy to change my typically evil ways! I am glad I did the challenge. It has made me more aware of how much I overuse the word, "NO!" I use it so much I think Luke plain ignores me 90% of the time. Perhaps it is the age, which is what I tell myself to make me feel better for the glaring parenting flaws, I am sure. Perhaps his obvious tuning out of my voice is just his witty, independent personality shining, but it is pure darkness for me as I repeat my directives over and over. (sigh of exhaustion) Over time I stopped explaining my reasons for answering "No" simply because I got tired of arguing with my 5 year old. Sad, but true. (Some of you may know that this is a common theme in my life with #1...we are a lot alike! Makes the now relationship a little tedious, but the later relationship will be rich!) I began the more authoritative approach and as you can expect, it didn't work at all. As I tried to curb the amount of "nos" I use, I think my "No" became more effective and more heard. This has reopened my eyes to balance. Balance is the key. Balance the "no" and "yes" in your parenting and voila! a little more harmony. A little more communication. A lot more smiles.

tomorrow's challenge: Do not bicker with your spouse/partner about anything in front of the kids...no matter what.